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95% cotton, 5% Elastic

150% Bum comfort

Our story starts in the ancient fields of the Indus Valley, legendary home of the finest cotton in the world. Fit for monarchs and statesmen, the limited harvest each year ensured that this cotton only reached the finest of derrieres. We couldn’t get hold of that cotton, so we just found some other really soft, comfortable cotton instead and made our pants out of that. You’re welcome.

Pre Pant Era | Photo Credit: ©Bloke with Chisel

Pre Pant Era | Photo Credit: ©Bloke with Chisel

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Martins’s holey pants | © Martin’s wife

Martins’s holey pants | © Martin’s wife

 

Our founder Rob discovered in his research that men have been known to wear pants with holes in them, wear the same pants twice in a row, wear pants back to front and inside out

ALL BECAUSE THEY NEVER REMEMBER TO BUY PANTS.

The pants on the left belonged to Martin. Martin wore them until they were just a threadbare loincloth with disgusting horrible nasty stains on them.

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After a five-year study into global pants behaviour using over 50,000 test subjects around the world and over 1 million pairs of pants, this groundbreaking project has finally confirmed the life-cycle of underwear and developed a formula to predict the turning-point of pants from wearable to binnable.

“With these results, people will finally be able to conduct their daily lives, safe in the knowledge that their gussets won’t let them down,”

says lead researcher Prof. Otto von Thong. “We are at the dawn of a new age of comfort and convenience.”

Speaking from their world-class facilities in Lower Saxony, the working group have announced that the optimum pairs of pants to be purchased each month for perfect freshness.

Our Founder getting thorough  |  Photo © Roddy Cottons

Our Founder getting thorough | Photo © Roddy Cottons

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P = A^N / T(S) where P is the number of pairs of pants you need to receive each month based on your activity level (A) to power of your nads (N) divided by the time function (T) of your slobbiness (S).

We’ve done THE HARD WORK so you don’t have to.
Just choose the personality type that describes you best and GET PANTS HASSLE FREE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

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CONCLUSION:
THE MORE YOU MOVE , THE MORE PANTS YOU NEED

With this ground breaking discovery we have crafted 3 subscriptions types to serve every type of man alive.
Pick the one that describes you best and never got commando again.

THE ‘AROUND TOWN’ SUBSCRIPTION

“I've done plenty of marathon pubs crawls. 

And don’t judge me - who hasn’t worn the same pair of pants two days in a row?”

‘WEEKEND WARRIOR’ SUBSCRIPTION

“I can play soccer with the lads without collapsing.

I keep fit, but I’m not a psycho.”

THE ‘SPORTSMAN’ SUBSCRIPTION

“I’m that psycho. I have less fat on my body than that small carton of skimmed milk.

I live to work out.”